The Breakdown of Communication Does Not Necessarily Dominate Divorce

 Posted on October 20,2014 in Divorce

Numerous studies confirm that the primary contributing factor of divorce is the breakdown of communication. The Huffington Post recently posted the results of yet another study confirming that communication is essential for a successful marriage. The online lifestyle resource, Your Tango, recently polled 100 medical health professionals who in agreement, at 65 percent, still cite the lack of communication as the major contributor to divorce.

Dr. Kelly M. Flanagan, an Illinois licensed psychologist and contributor to The Huffington Post, begs to differ. Dr. Flanagan contributes the following additional factors as possible contributors responsible for the high rate of divorce.

We Like, Therefore We Think We Love

Dr. Flanagan believes that even though it is not foreseeable, people change. It is advisable not to marry someone because of who they are or who you would like them to be but to marry someone based on their determination to become someone.

There Is Not Safety in Numbers

Marriage does not eradicate loneliness. Through marriage, it is not possible to alter the human condition. When a spouse feels lonely in a marriage, the knee jerk reaction is to blame the opposing spouse.

Check Your Baggage

Through adolescence and early adulthood, endless hours are spent avoiding ownership of shame. If one spouse opens this pandora’s box, the opposing spouse may transfer blame onto the other partner, often demanding they take control of correcting the issue.

Narcissistic Negativity

Undeniably, everyone develops an ego. Egos can be beneficial, and egos can be detrimental. During marriage, the personal ego can build towering protective walls, causing a deeper separation of partners. To survive, the wall must come down. Couples who continue to live inside these barriers are prone to meet with a qualified divorce attorney at some point in their marriage.

Emergence of Empathy

Empathy is a developmental process and does not often occur simultaneously. If couples learn to accept each other’s faults at different times during the marriage, the marriage falls out of sync, often leading to discontent in the marriage.

Careful Family Planning

Yes, the children are important, but placing your children before your marriage can drive a strong wedge between husband and wife. Seeking a harmonious balance is key but should not involve knocking your spouse down a notch once the children have arrived.

Hidden Power Play

The roles of each spouse should be defined early on. Avoiding the power struggle will decrease the imaginary line drawn in the sand, often leading to one spouse wielding more power in the relationship and an increase in resentment by the other spouse.

Carless Caring

With attention drawn into so many directions, couples often lose interest in attending to the needs of their spouse. Couples become complacent and simply bored triggering the fight-to-flight response, often leading to a consultation with a reputable divorce attorney.