Children's Questions About Divorce

 Posted on July 04, 2013 in Divorce

Going through a divorce is a tough situation on its own, and adding children into the mix can make things even more overwhelming.  In order to make the situation a little less stressful, it is important to know how to answer the important questions your children will ask about your divorce. In general, children will ask the same types of difficult questions about divorce.  However, experts say that you don’t necessarily need to have every single answer ready.  The best way to handle them when they come is to prepare mentally and be ready to listen and respond in a sensitive way. Diane Shearer is an experienced family therapist.  She goes by the philosophy that we should look beyond the questions children ask about divorce and focus on what they’re really looking for.  "When kids ask tough questions, they aren’t looking for complicated answers.  They are looking for affirmation, not information."

1. Why?  Kids don’t want to know the nitty-gritty details on the reasons behind your divorce, but they’re looking for the big-picture reason.  According to Shearer, kids worry that since their parents can stop loving each other, they might stop loving the kids, too.  It’s important that you assure that a parent’s love for their child is vastly different from love between parents.  Let your children know that your love for them will never change.
2. Is this my fault?  In many cases, younger children may blame themselves for their parents’ divorce.  If this question comes up, assure your child that they have done nothing wrong.  The change in the relationship between the parents has nothing to do with them.  Again, assure them that they will always be loved.
3. Where will I live?  Before breaking the news to your kids, make sure to finalize a "parenting plan" with your spouse so that you can tell your children where they will be living and for how long.  Make sure your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings about the new arrangements.

Breaking the news of divorce to children can be a scary, overwhelming thing.  But it doesn’t have to be.  If you have questions about children and divorce, contact a dedicated Traub family law attorney to assist you.

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