Communication With Your Children During Your Divorce

 Posted on April 12,2016 in Divorce

As a parent, you probably feel like you spend half of your day repeating yourself to your children. Despite their best intentions, it can be challenging to get your message across for a variety of reasons. In many ways, talking to your children about an imminent or ongoing divorce is much the same. It is not a conversation that you will have one time, never to be revisited or brought up again; in fact, the reality is quite the opposite. You will want to be sure that the lines of communication between you and your children remain open throughout the divorce, which can help you all better adjust to the upcoming changes.

Share, But Not Too Much

Once you begin to discuss divorce with your children, make sure that they know that they can ask questions and talk to you about what is on their mind whenever they need to do so. Their questions are likely to address what may have happened between you and your spouse, and how their lives will be affected. You will need to tailor your answers to match each child’s age a maturity level, and to only share information that you know they are prepared to handle. For example, you may be able to tell your teenage daughter about more complex relationship concerns, while a younger child may just need to know that you and your spouse will not be living together anymore.

Get Help If You Need It

Your children should absolutely not be an outlet for your feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment toward your spouse. Not only are they ill-equipped to play amateur therapist for you, but children will quickly internalize such emotions, often believing they may have somehow caused you to feel the way you do. If you are struggling and need someone to talk you through your problems, call a friend, family member, or mental health professional and let your children be children.

"I Don’t Know" Is Allowed

It is important to accept and remember that you do not—and probably will not—have all the answers to your children’s questions. This is perfectly reasonable! While your children may be frustrated by uncertainty, they will appreciate your honesty more. If a particular issue has yet to be resolved, you are allowed to say that you are not sure how it will turn out in the end. Acknowledging that you do not have an immediate answer is much better than making promises to your children that you cannot keep.

Seek Legal Guidance

If you are preparing for a divorce, contact an experienced Lombard family law attorney. Our compassionate team can help you completely understand your situation, making communication with your children much easier along the way. To learn more, call 630-426-0196 for a confidential consultation with A. Traub & Associates today.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-older-dad/201105/mom-and-dad-have-something-tell-you-six-tips-talking-kids-about-divorce

http://www.todaysparent.com/family/relationships/kids-and-divorce-an-age-by-age-guide/