Dating and the Male Divorcee: Tips for the Dreaded First Date

 Posted on January 11, 2014 in Divorce

According to a recent Australian study covered by the Sun-Herald (Gulfport, MS) divorce means different things to men and women.

For women, the main concern following divorce is financial stability while for divorced men the biggest hurdle may be loneliness. The study reported that even after one year after the break-up, 48 percent of men still admit to experiencing a feeling of loss compared to their female counterparts; 39 percent reported feeling lonely. If is difficult to determine which former spouse will be undertaking the first step to dating post divorce, but with the majority of women being the primary custodial parent, one may assume that it may very well be the male who takes the first leap into unfamiliar territory of the dreaded first date, post-divorce. Dr. Karen Ruskin, Psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist offers these helpful hints:

• Be yourself;
• It's ok to admit you're feeling just a bit "rusty";
• Don't pretend you are something you're not;
• Acknowledge any feelings of awkwardness with a small ice breaker;
• Chivalry is not dead, always remain the gentlemen;
• Offer a sincere compliment;
• Focus on your date, turn off your cell phone;
• Utter not one word of your former spouse;
• Open the lines of communication but be a good listener;
• Keep strong opinions to yourself but provide some insight into your character;
• Keep the wine to a minimum;
• Keep intimate questions off the table;
• Be completely honest about relationship expectations;
• Relax and enjoy the evening.

The first date may not set off the proverbial fireworks, but it is the first step to perhaps combating the feelings of loneliness and increasing your confidence level. If it went well, ask for a second date, if you didn't feel a connection be politely honest with your date. Surviving the first date just may be one of the many first steps taken on the road to recovery.  Take it slow and easy, only fools rush in. Dating again may just turn out to be an enjoyable new experience. Our firm provides legal advice rather than dating tips; the legal team of A. Traub & Associates is experienced in all matters of divorce and family law. If you find yourself facing a divorce and reside in the DuPage, Cook, Will or Kane areas, contact us at 630-426-0196 to schedule an initial consultation. Our attorneys are great listeners and available to address any concerns about your pending divorce.