Divorce Is Not a Competition

 Posted on May 13, 2016 in Divorce

A quick Google search of the phrase "winning your divorce" brings up about 21 million results (your result may vary slightly), each offering advice or a step-by-step guide on how to gain an advantage over your spouse as your marriage comes to an end. In the last 50 years or so, we have somehow gone from a society that frowns on divorce to one that welcomes and all but celebrates the battle. Of course, it is certainly understandable that you will experience certain emotions related to the end of your marriage, and that anger and a desire for retribution are often among them. You need to remember, however, that no matter how justified you may feel in the moment, there are no real winners in divorce, and an unnecessarily contentious battle can leave both you and your spouse on the losing end.

Remember the Person You Married

The very fact that you are faced with divorce means that you, at some point, loved your spouse enough to marry him or her. There may be situations in which this is not true, but that is a topic for another day. Now, you may claim that your spouse has changed and that he or she is not the same person you married. Fair enough, but are you the same person he or she married?

Turning your divorce into a competition means that, for you to "win," your spouse must lose. Why does he or she deserve to be worse off than you when all is said and done? Maybe he or she was not the model partner; maybe he or she even cheated or was abusive. You, of course, may need to take certain steps to heal emotionally—through counseling or therapy, for example—but a divorce settlement weighted in your favor will not undo the damage, nor is it likely to change the future. Instead, focus on a reaching an equitable resolution that allows you both to move forward and to leave the past where it belongs: behind you.

Only You Control You

If victory over your spouse is that important to you, there is a better way to achieve it. Though it may take some work, there is no better revenge against a spouse who made you unhappy than by becoming truly happy in his or her absence. Even while the divorce process is ongoing, take steps to figure out what you want out of life and develop a plan for making it happen. If you have been wanting to lose weight to feel more attractive, do it. Make new friends, find new hobbies, or travel to places you have always wanted to see.

You have the power to control your future and your happiness. When you make divorce about winning and losing, you give up that power, making your happiness dependent (still!) on your spouse and the outcome of the process. There will be difficult days, for sure, but you can be ready to face your new, post-divorce life with your head held high and a sense of optimism you have not felt in years.

Let Us Help

The team at A. Traub & Associates understands how difficult a divorce can be, and we are committed to helping navigate the process efficiently and without unnecessary stress or anxiety. Contact one of our experienced Lombard divorce attorneys today to take the first step in securing a healthier, happier future.

Sources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/valerie-deloach/there-are-no-winners_b_9252670.html

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/divorce-blues-happiness-best-revenge