Initiating Divorce: Who Makes the Call?

 Posted on April 10, 2014 in Divorce

Divorce is a common peril for almost 50 percent of all American couples. When we hear about a recent "conscious uncoupling" we assume the wife is responsible for placing the call to an experienced divorce attorney. Our assumption would have been correct.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, National Center for Health Statistics, 65 percent of all divorce proceedings are initiated by the wife. In states such as Illinois, when introducing no-fault divorce, rates jumped as high as 70 percent. If we learned anything from John Gray's, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, we are quite aware that there are fundamental differences between women and men. Women tend to view things at a more emotional level and perhaps the following, offered by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. can categorize the feelings behind a woman's decision to dissolve her marriage: "I hurt all the time because I feel alone and abandoned."

"My husband is no longer my friend."

"The only time my husband pays attention to me is when he wants sex."

"My husband is never there for me when I need him the most."

"When my husband hurts my feelings he doesn't apologize."

"My husband lives his life as if we weren't married; he rarely considers me."

"We're like ships passing in the night, he goes his way and I go mine."

"My husband has become a stranger to me, I don't even know who he is anymore."

"My husband doesn't show any interest in me or what I do."

But what about the 30 percent of men who make the call? According to Cathy Garrard, Redbook Magazine, these are the top 10 complaints that often lead a man to consult with a divorce attorney:

"My wife does not appreciate me anymore"

"My wife does not go out of her way to put a little romance back into our marriage"

"My wife takes me for granted"

"My wife is too busy"

"My wife no longer cherishes intimate moments"

"My wife makes all the decisions"

"My wife holds high expectations"

"My wife acts like we are in a platonic relationship"

"My wife isolates me"

"My wife forgets that we are a team"

Eerily similar, perhaps Mr. Gray had it wrong. It appears that both women and men feel emotionally drained when they believe they are reaching the end of their rope and perhaps the end of the marriage due to feelings of neglect and isolation. Whichever your gender, the legal team of A. Traub & Associates  will take a compassionate approach to help you move forward, quickly and effectively to achieve the most favorable settlement. We believe that reaching an equitable compromise for both spouses through divorce mediation is the best way to move forward while keeping all emotions under control. We invite both men and women residing in DuPage, Cook, Kane and Wills Counties to contact us at 630-426-0196 for an affordable consultation today.