Your Ex Is Getting Remarried, Now What?

 Posted on February 16, 2016 in Children of Divorce

There are many reasons why it may be difficult for you to see your former spouse on the verge of getting remarried. Some, of course, may be mostly nostalgic—a longing for the "good old days" when you were blissfully happy together. Others may be based on jealousy, if you are being honest with yourself. Your ex has found someone that is not you, and no matter what occurred between the two of you, being replaced hurts. Finally, there may be more practical concerns for you regarding the upcoming nuptials of your ex-spouse, especially if you have children.

No Right or Wrong Answers

The most important thing for you to remember as you think about the impact of your ex’s remarriage on your children and parenting arrangements is that there is no manual for dealing with the issues. Changes are almost certain but they do not need to be seen as negative. As long as you and the other parent can communicate and cooperate, you can continue to provide for your child’s best interests, allowing him or her to benefit from the addition of a stepparent. You will need to find a solution or approach that meets the unique needs of your family, allowing all parties to remain involved as a valuable component of the process.

Discuss Boundaries

Though they may be established when you and your ex started dating again after your divorce, boundaries regarding stepparents and relationships should be revisited. You may be completely comfortable with your ex’s spouse-to-be or you may be entirely put-off. Either way, you will need to respect your former partner’s choices. You can, however, reach an agreement about the level of involvement the new stepparent is to have in the life of your child. Together, you and your ex should make decisions about the spouse’s role: will he or she be permitted to help with transportation, participate in school and homework activities, or to discipline your child? Obviously, these concerns may lessen over time as you, your child, your ex, and his or her new partner become more familiar and comfortable with one another.

Try to Be Understanding

You would also do well to realize that your ex-spouse’s fiancé is, most likely, experiencing many of the same concerns. He or she is probably equally unsure about what level of responsibility to assume in your child’s life. Depending on your comfort level, consider reaching out to him and her to establish common ground. If your ex-spouse—the same person you were in love with at one point—has chosen this person, chances are good that he or she will want what is best for your child as well. Using that as your starting point, you may be able to forge a relationship between the two of you. You may have more in common than you realize, making the entire situation much easier to handle.

Adjusted Parenting Plans

The remarriage of your child’s other parent may also require you to revisit your existing arrangements regarding co-parenting. This is especially true if getting remarried involves the other parent moving or a drastic change in his or her financial situation. For assistance with amending a parenting plan to meet your child’s changing needs, contact an experienced Arlington Heights family law attorney. With our knowledge and skill, we are equipped to help your family thrive both now and for years to come.

Sources:

http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2015/04/15/7-reasons-discovering-your-ex-is-getting-married-is-the-worst-and-7-reasons-its-not/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/divorce-advice-how-to-han_b_4057068.html