Poor Communication Skills are the #1 Predictor of Divorce

 Posted on September 04, 2013 in Divorce

If you ask your divorced friends what led to their divorce, most of them will tell you that they stopped talking to each other. According to a report in Psychology Today, the most common predictor of divorce is the lack of communication, which leads to hostility in the relationship.

 You, You, You

When the going gets tough, most people have a hard time taking responsibility for their part of the problem. No one wants to admit that he or she has done something wrong. This is where the blame game begins. With that blame comes judgmental statements such as:

• You need to change.
• This is all your fault.
• You don’t understand me.

These kinds of statements will always be met with a defensive attitude.

Generalizations

Generalizations usually point to the negative behavior as a constant. It effectively discounts the positive things in the relationship.

• You never listen.
• You are always drunk.
• You messed up again.

Statements like this, again, cause defensiveness and hostility. Saying these kinds of things is actually counterproductive and keeps the person from wanting to do anything differently. Why would he or she want to do anything differently if they feel like all you do is dwell on the negative things?

 There is a Way to Say Everything

There is a way to discuss the issues that you are having in the relationship without insulting your partner. Calling your spouse stupid because they made is mistake is not going to help them see things from your point of view. Instead of shouting insults, talk about how what they did made you feel. The issue itself should be addressed without making your spouse feel unworthy or inadequate.

Communicating in a relationship can be difficult. Effective communication during a divorce can be even more daunting. At some point, placing blame for the breakdown of the relationship is not going to work anymore. An empathetic Illinois divorce attorney can assist you with your divorce.