Recent Blog Posts
The Growing Problem of Financial Infidelity
Have you ever cheated on your spouse? Before you answer, keep in mind that cheating can mean much more than an episode of sexual indiscretion. In fact, there is another type of cheating that is far more prevalent in today’s marriages, and it has virtually nothing to do with adultery; it pertains, instead, to a couple’s finances. According to a recent survey, more than 40 percent of Americans have committed what is known as financial infidelity against their partner. With money already a commonly-cited contributor to the breakdown of marriages, financial infidelity, if not addressed and resolved, can quickly lead a couple down a path toward divorce.
What is Financial Infidelity?
Although it may take many forms, the basic idea of financial infidelity is relatively simple: one partner in a relationship with combined finances lies about or hides money and purchases. It could be an interest-bearing account set up in his name that she has no idea exists, or it could be a credit card that she has on the side. Whatever the case, if both partners are not fully disclosing financial concerns—within previously agreed-upon parameters—one or both may be committing financial infidelity.
Communication With Your Children During Your Divorce
As a parent, you probably feel like you spend half of your day repeating yourself to your children. Despite their best intentions, it can be challenging to get your message across for a variety of reasons. In many ways, talking to your children about an imminent or ongoing divorce is much the same. It is not a conversation that you will have one time, never to be revisited or brought up again; in fact, the reality is quite the opposite. You will want to be sure that the lines of communication between you and your children remain open throughout the divorce, which can help you all better adjust to the upcoming changes.
Share, But Not Too Much
Once you begin to discuss divorce with your children, make sure that they know that they can ask questions and talk to you about what is on their mind whenever they need to do so. Their questions are likely to address what may have happened between you and your spouse, and how their lives will be affected. You will need to tailor your answers to match each child’s age a maturity level, and to only share information that you know they are prepared to handle. For example, you may be able to tell your teenage daughter about more complex relationship concerns, while a younger child may just need to know that you and your spouse will not be living together anymore.
Does Venue Matter in an Illinois Divorce?
While the process of divorce can be quite complicated and, at times, overwhelming, filing the petition for divorce is relatively simple. With the help of an attorney, it is often even easier, but you will still need to decide where to file your petition so that the divorce proceedings will be held in the appropriate venue.
Where to File
According to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA), proceedings for divorce should take place in the county where either you or your spouse currently reside. However, you are free to file your petition in any county of your choosing. If you decide to pursue a divorce in a county other than your county of residence or that of your spouse, you will need to file a motion with your petition explaining why you chose an alternate location. For example, if, following your separation, your spouse moved to DeKalb County while you continued living in DuPage County, but you both work in Kane County, it might be reasonable for your divorce proceedings to be held in Kane County.
Denying the Other Parent Access to Your Child
We all get angry from time to time and, often, we want to some sort of action against the person or entity who made us angry. This feeling is especially true for parents who have already managed to cope with the harsh realities of a divorce, separation, or break-up. If you are a recently-divorced parent, you are probably all too familiar with how it feels. You and your child’s other parent divorced for a reason—many of them, most likely—and there is a good chance that he or she will continue to behave in ways that make you very upset. At times, you will probably be tempted to keep him or her away from your child. While you are certainly entitled to your feelings, it is important to keep in mind that inappropriately restricting the other parent’s access to your child can create problems, not only for the other parent but for you as well.
Child Support and Parenting Time
Domestic Abuse Hurts Men Too
You can probably name at least one, if not more than one, male friend or acquaintance that has been the victim of emotional abuse by his spouse or romantic partner. If not, you have been probably witnessed such abuse in a public or social setting: a man and his partner are out together, but the conversation is very one-sided. His girlfriend or wife makes derogatory or snide comments about his clothes, behavior, or choices. As the night goes on, the situation gets worse, with the woman blatantly scolding him, as he endures it silently.
While there is no question that male-against-female abuse is a scourge on today’s society, many have become conditioned to ignore such behavior in reverse. Of course, part of the problem is the militant, often misogynistic, "men’s rights" groups whose awareness efforts can be little more than thinly-veiled attacks on women. However, the reality is that men can most definitely be victims of domestic abuse, including physical violence and mental or emotional attacks.
New App to Help Parents With Child Support, Sharing Expenses
As technology continues to impact more and more aspects of daily living, it is hardly surprising that digital connectivity can now help facilitate financial discussions and even transactions between divorced parents. A new smartphone app called SupportPay is trying to the change the way that co-parents communicate about child support and sharing expenses, and developers hope that those use it can reduce uncertainty and prevent unnecessary hostility.
Basic Child Support
The law in Illinois typically requires a supporting parent to pay a percentage of his or her income to the other parent to assist with the child’s most basic needs. While many parents make child support payments via payroll deduction, others make monthly or biweekly payments on their own. SupportPay allows parents to make and manage their required payments through PayPal.
Additional Considerations
Limiting Spousal Maintenance Could Be Ultimately Beneficial for Women
Over the last several years, Illinois has been one of several states to review and update laws regarding spousal maintenance, or alimony as it is often known. In this state specifically, maintenance is to be awarded only when needed and justified by the circumstances of an individual divorce and is never presumed to be automatic. While the application of the law is up to each judge to apply his or her own standard of need to a case, the intended effect is to reserve such awards for only the most appropriate situations. Placing limits on spousal maintenance may create some difficulties for those who are recently divorced, but some experts are suggesting that these same limits may lead to overall positive changes in the way that women approach finances in both marriage and divorce.
Shift in Thinking
The law regarding spousal maintenance is technically gender-neutral, and there are cases in which men receive support from their ex-wives following a divorce. The reality is—as most people assume—that the vast majority of maintenance recipients are women, as alimony laws were generally intended to support women with financial disadvantages. Today, however, society, as a whole, is geared toward encouraging women to be professionally, personally, and financially independent. Reliance on spousal maintenance as an institution stands in direct opposition to these ideals.
I Changed My Mind; Can a Finalized Divorce Be Vacated?
You can probably recall several examples in your own life where you thought that you were making the right decision, only to realize later that your choice was misguided, and maybe even completely wrong. It is very possible that you have made such decisions about relationships in the past, deciding to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, then realizing that you were actually much happier with him or her than without. What happens, though, when the relationship is a marriage, and you get all the way through the process of divorce before coming to the conclusion that the whole thing was a terrible mistake? Can you attempt to have your finalized divorce judgment vacated?
The short answer is that you can try, but if a change of heart is your only reason for setting the judgment aside, you will probably not have much luck. A divorce judgment is essentially a type of verdict in a civil court proceeding, meaning that it must take into account all of the relevant information available at the time the of proceedings. Your petition for divorce or your response to your former spouse’s petition indicated your wishes to end the marriage, providing the court the authority to grant your request, presuming the associated concerns have been properly addressed. Once the proceedings have concluded and the judgment is entered, it is too late to change your mind.
Grandparents and Visitation in Illinois
As you raised your own children, you probably looked forward to someday becoming a grandparent. Children often treasure the relationships with their grandparents—as you most likely remember from your childhood—and there is nothing quite like time with a grandchild to brighten a grandparent’s day. Unfortunately, many family situations deteriorate so badly that grandparents are unable to continue the relationships with their grandchildren that they so greatly value. The law in Illinois, however, does provide grandparents in certain situations with at least a glimmer of hope.
Presumed Best Interest of the Child
If you, as a grandparent, are being denied access to your grandchild by your child or the other parent, the law begins with the presumption that the child’s parents have made such a decision in the child’s best interests. A parent has the right to choose who should and should not be in regular contact with his or her child, as long as such decisions are reasonable and are not causing harm to the child. If the child is being negatively affected by the lack of a relationship with you, you may be able to convince a court to grant you visitation privileges.
Differences Between Guardianship and Adoption in Illinois
While most people are familiar with the concept of adoption, many may realize that there are alternatives to adoption that can grant an individual certain authority over a child’s life. In Illinois, as well as other jurisdictions, it is possible to seek legal guardianship of a minor child. Guardianship, in many ways, is quite similar to adoption but is quite different in others. If you are looking to provide a loving home to a child in need, understanding the differences between the two can help you make the best choice for your specific situation.
Many Similarities
Guardianship of child grants you the legal authority to act as the child’s parent in virtually all areas of the child’s life. You become responsible for tending to the child’s day-to-day needs, as well as making medical, educational, and other decisions regarding the child. An adoption would provide you with all of the same authority and responsibilities regarding the child. Both adoptions and guardianships in Illinois will only be granted if the child’s birth parents consent to the arrangement, have been found to be unsuited for providing such care for the child themselves, have passed away, or cannot be located.
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