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Divorce Tips for a Stay-at-Home Parent
If you are a stay-at-home parent facing divorce, you are not alone. Among the thousands of divorces which occur annually, a significant portion involves a parent that stays home, working to keep the house and family in order rather than working for someone else. Divorce has the possibility of being harder for these spouses than their counterpart, which does not need to be the case. The experience can be beneficial and positive with proper planning and preparedness.
Locate and Maintain Proper Records
You and your spouse’s separate lives have become fused into one shared life together through marriage, no matter how lengthy or brief. The process of divorce seeks to split the two into two equitable parts again. Everything from the house itself to the items within the home, to the finances and retirement plans, will need to be divided. Make these records available to make the process easier:
- Income;
Selecting Your Beneficiaries
For most people, the primary goal of estate planning is make sure that their wishes are carried out regarding their assets and property upon their death. Wills, trusts, and other instruments can help you do so, but the real challenge, in many cases, is figuring out exactly what you want for the future of your estate. An estate planning attorney cannot make such decisions for you, but we can give you some things to think about in making your choices.
Include a Variety of Heirs
Too often, people make the mistake of naming their spouse as the sole beneficiary of their estate. What if he or she outlives you? What will happen your estate plan then? You may also be tempted to leave everything you own to one of your children. As you develop your will, you must remember that you are looking toward the future, and the future is always full of uncertainty. If you choose a single beneficiary and something happens to him or her, the disposition of your estate could depend on that person’s estate planning decisions instead of your own.
Postnuptial Agreements for Stay-at-Home Parents
Today, many households are dual-income households in which both spouses work. For the well-being of the couple’s children, however, it can sometimes be beneficial for one spouse to embrace the role of a stay-at-home parent. In these cases, having a postnuptial agreement can help clarify each spouse’s responsibilities in case of a future divorce. Before one spouse agrees to take taking extend time away from his or her career, all the potential repercussions should be discussed.
Children Can Change a Couple’s Career Dynamics
Introducing children into a marriage means change, and some families decide that it would be better for one parent to be at home with the children. Despite advances in equality and changing social views on gender roles, it is still usually the wife who elects to put her career on hold and become the stay-at-home parent. In some families, it is more economically advantageous for the male partner to stay home, and this certainly does play out in many households. Either way, couples with children should consider making arrangements for their children and their finances in the event of a divorce.
How Personality Changes Over Time
Why did you marry your spouse? Most people answer this question by explaining all the desirable characteristics that the individual had that made them a good potential partner. They tend to note that their spouse was kind, thoughtful, generous, or funny. In essence, their spouse had a personality which complimented their own. We often think of character traits or personality to be intrinsically woven into a person’s DNA. A person may learn and grow but his or her personality never really changes. If this is the case, then why do so many marriages end in divorce?
Researcher and psychologist Walter Mischel says that everything we thought we knew about the immutability of someone’s personality may be wrong. These revelations about the instability of personality could help explain how two people who started out in love can find themselves so distant from one another after a relatively short period of time.
Mischel's Cognitive-Affective Model
Debunking Estate Planning Myths, Continued
Last week, we started a discussion about common myths that many people believe about the process of estate planning. In that post, we talked about how it is never too early to begin estate planning and why probate is not always a terrible thing. Unfortunately, there are a number of other misconceptions that can cause unsuspecting individuals to make preventable mistakes as they draft their estate plans. Let’s look at a few more:
Myth: If I Die Without a Will, the State Will Take Everything
While there is no question that estate planning is important, it is not uncommon for some people to develop a plan only out of fear. Such individuals often believe that if they do not draft a will or create an estate plan, their property will be seized by the government and not distributed to their family members.
Reality: Illinois law requires the state to distribute intestate property to your spouse, children, and other family members through the probate process. Intestate property is any property that is not accounted for in a will or another estate planning instrument—not including investment or retirement accounts that already include beneficiary provisions. The issue with relying on intestacy laws, however, is that you relinquish control of your property. You also lose the ability to consider charities or loved ones who are not legally related to you. In short, the state does not get to keep your property if you die without a will, but an estate plan allows you full control over your assets, even after your death.
Debunking Estate Planning Myths
For many people, estate planning is a vague, nebulous process that involves a person accepting his or her own mortality. Even among those who understand the importance of planning ahead, there are a number of myths regarding estate planning that continue to abound. A comprehensive estate plan is crucial to protecting your assets and your family’s financial future, and the process can be complicated if you believe things that simply are not true. Over the next several posts on this blog, we will address some of the most common estate planning myths, beginning with:
Myth: Estate Planning Is for Older People
Young adults, in many cases, are still shaking off their adolescent concept of invincibility, but it can take a while for that to actually happen. By the time they reach their 30s and 40s, they may understand that bad things can occur but still see estate planning as not quite necessary yet.
Reality: It is never too early to begin estate planning. The moment you begin amassing property of your own or become a parent, you need to start thinking about the future. Tragedy can strike at any time, leaving questions regarding the status of your possessions and, possibly, the guardianship of your children. Also, keep in mind that your concept of “older people” is going to change continually throughout your life. Consider the world-famous musician Prince, who died last year at the age of 58—without an estate plan in place. Could it be possible that he was waiting until he was older to develop a plan that covered his $200 million estate?
Helping Your Children Manage a Divorce
A divorce, as most people realize, can be extremely stressful for everyone involved. Children commonly have the most difficulty adjusting to all of the changes. Unfortunately, the effects of a divorce may be felt by your child for many years after the process has been completed. There are several ways—including some things you can do right now—to help your child cope with the end of your marriage.
Listen to Their Problems and Worries
Children, just like adults, feel loved and cared for when they know you are listening to them. This is more than just hearing what they have to say. Listening requires you to both be active in showing you understand what they are worried about while withholding any judgments or solutions until after the child is done sharing. Even then, it important to allow your children the freedom to experience their feelings. Attempting to control your child’s emotions or shaming him or her for feeling a certain way is not healthy and can lead to larger problems down the road.
Mediation Could Help Protect Your Children
Divorce is typically a time of increased stress and emotions for the couple splitting. When we are emotionally wounded, we have a tendency to lash out against the person who caused the damage. Some events that happen throughout the course of a divorce have the proclivity to leave lasting emotional wounds to those involved. As adults, we have a better understanding of what is happening and why, but when children are involved, the situation changes. The impact of what happens during a divorce could last for decades or even a lifetime. Many divorcing spouses now seek alternative solutions as a means of protecting their children. One such method is mediation.
What is Mediation?
Even after years of marriage, it is possible just to realize that this is not what you truly want for your life. You and your spouse may have irreconcilable differences, and you just do not “mesh” well together anymore. That is absolutely okay and it does not make either of you any a bad or unlovable person. For situations such as these and others in which the splitting pair are able to maintain a civil relationship, mediation is a viable alternative to traditional divorce proceedings. Instead of heading straight to a courtroom armed with your own personal attorney, divorce mediation allows an opportunity for spouses to come together in a private location with a neutral third party—a mediator—and settle the divorce on their own terms.
Should You Contest Your Loved One’s Will?
When you are dealing with the loss of a family member or loved one, financial and property considerations may be the furthest thing from your mind. In the weeks that follow, however, your intense emotions are likely to subside, giving you the space to think about your loved one’s estate and his or her will. Depending on your relationship to the person and his or her accumulated property, you may be expecting a sizable inheritance. But what happens if the terms of the will are not what you expected? What if your inheritance is less than you were promised? According to Illinois law, you may have the option of contesting your loved one’s will, but doing so may not always be the best choice.
Contesting a Will
The law provides certain people with the right to file a will contest, including those who would have some claim to the decedent’s estate if the person had died without a will as well as those named in previous wills. This means that if the person who died was a family friend rather than a relative and you were never named in any version of his or her will, you have no standing to contest the final will.
When to Date Again After Divorce
Ending a marriage through a divorce can leave a gaping hole in your life. You may feel lonely, depressed, unwanted, and bored. The way you used to spend your time and energy has changed, and now you want something new. Some divorcees want to avoid relationships for a time after splitting from their spouse while others are eager to start dating again. Is there a right time to start dating after getting a divorce?
Dating Before Your Divorce is Finalized
“Life happens” as the saying goes and sometimes you meet Mr. Right or Ms. Right before you are technically divorced. Many experts agree that dating during a divorce is not the wisest choice. You may choose to pursue a new relationship at this stage anyway, but there are a few things to keep in mind.
If you have children, it is very important to consider how dating a new person will affect them. The separation of you and your spouse was most likely very traumatic to them – even if they are not currently showing it. Children often feel confused, unloved, and afraid during a separation. Their family dynamic is changing dramatically, and it is hard to them to understand this and adapt to it regardless of their age.
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