Recent Blog Posts
Impending Divorce and the Kiss of Death for Relationships
Do you and your spouse argue over relatively trivial issues? If you have been together for longer than a month, the answer is probably yes. Married couples, of course, argue from time to time, and often over things that are probably not that important. Disagreement and arguments are not, however, necessarily signs that your marriage is in trouble, so long as you and your spouse continue to love and respect one another. Conversely, if the love and respect is being eroded and replaced with contempt, your relationship may be headed for divorce.
Psychologists John Gottman of the University of Washington and Robert Levenson of the University of California – Berkeley, collaborated on a 14-year behavioral study which used emotional reactions to predict divorce with an accuracy rate of 93 percent. The researchers identified the negative mix of behaviors, including anger, contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness to be a harbinger of impending disaster for the marriage. In particular, Gottman noted, "Contempt is the kiss of death."
A Look at the Rising Rate of Remarriage
Despite how it may feel at the time, life does not end with divorce. Over time most divorced individuals will put their lives back together and eventually be ready to mingle and date again. In fact, numbers from around the country show that a larger number than ever before are even willing to give marriage another chance.
Currently in the United States, four out of ten new marriages involve at least one previously married spouse and half of those are marriages in which both spouses had been married before. Based on data collected by the U.S. Census Bureau, the Pew Research Center reports that remarriages have been on the increase for many years and have reached an all-time high.
Several social and demographic factors seem to be contributing to the historic rise in the rate of remarriage. Most obviously, the rate of divorce and social acceptance of remarriage in the last few decades has resulted in an ever-growing number of divorced Americans ready and able to walk down the aisle again. Additionally, as the age and life-expectancy of the American population trend upward, "people simply have more years in which to make, dissolve, and remake unions," says Gretchen Livingston, senior researcher at the Pew Research Center.
Dealing With False Domestic Violence Allegations
In far too many American homes, domestic violence is a major concern, wreaking havoc on both the physical and emotional health of the victim. In the face of such actions, healthy relationships are virtually impossible. Justifiably, accusations of domestic abuse are taken very seriously by law enforcement and government agencies. During a divorce or other domestic proceedings, unfortunately, it is possible for one partner to try to take advantage of the system by making false allegations of abuse.
Being alone with the person who brought the initial allegations all provides further opportunity for new ones. By keeping a safe distance away, or by maintaining the buffer of witnesses, the accused will not be create the risk of additional false charges.
Some May Be Genetically Predisposed to Infidelity
Maybe he swears it meant nothing to him. Maybe she promises it will never happen again. Whatever the situation, many couples will find themselves facing a situation in which one partner has been been unfaithful. They will have to decide either to forgive the indiscretion and move on together, or to end the relationship. Obviously, for married couples ending the relationship typically means divorce, and infidelity continues to be among the most common reasons for ending a marriage. For those that decide to work out their relationship, questions inevitably remain about what caused the cheating partner to stray.
Part of the answer may lie in the human genetic code, as scientists continue to research links between genetics and human behavior. New studies are emerging on a regular basis relating the effect a specific gene or gene variant may have on the choices an individual makes. Several projects in the last few years have identified a number a genes, in fact, that may have a direct impact on a person&s self-control over inclinations toward thrill-seeking behavior, including infidelity.
Reasons to Consider a Divorce Attorney
The process of divorce can be daunting one. Depending on a couple’s circumstances, the proceedings can time-consuming and wrought with complexities at every turn. When added to the emotional stress and contentiousness common in a failing relationship, divorce can be nearly overwhelming. Despite the potential pitfalls, many people still attempt to complete their divorce without the help of a qualified divorce attorney.
Of those choosing to do so, divorcing individuals typically forego hiring a lawyer for two simple reasons. First and foremost, they are looking to save money and believe that an attorney’s services are too expensive. Additionally, they do not believe their situation is complicated enough to require representation, or at least not complicated enough to justify such a cost. However, despite these common misgivings, there are a number of reasons you may wish to retain an attorney to assist with your divorce.
Oscar-Winning Men May Be More Prone to Divorce
This past weekend, the attention of the entertainment world focused on the Dolby Theater in Hollywood, California, for the annual Academy Awards ceremony. Officially called The Oscars since 2013, the awards recognize accomplishments within the film industry, including performances, music, and of course, the movies themselves. For many actors and actresses, winning an Oscar for a performance in a motion picture represents the pinnacle of their career. While such recognition may carry significant professional benefit, a recent study suggests that men who win an Academy Award have an increased likelihood of divorce.
It is very easy to be dismissive of celebrity divorce statistics, because to many it seems that celebrities marry or divorce more often than "normal people" anyway. However, the research conducted by Michael Jensen, associate professor at the University of Michigan, and Heeyon Kim, assistant professor at the National University of Singapore, sought to examine the effects of that recognition or the lack thereof can have on both professional and personal lives. Their work, entitled "The Real Oscar Curse: The Negative Consequences of Positive Status Shifts" sampled more than 1000 lead roles played by over 800 male and female actors in top films between 1930 and 2005.
Expert Suggests Equal Shared Custody May Not Be Ideal
From the time children are very young, they begin to learn about the concept of fairness. They are taught to wait their turn, share their toys, and to be generally respectful of other people’s property and time. Consequently, children grow into adults who equate fairness with equality, a concept which may hold true for many aspects of life. When establishing a shared custody arrangement after divorce, however, at least one parenting expert suggests that equal time may not actually prove fair to the child.
Noted author and family psychologist John Rosemond addresses the issue of shared custody in his nationally syndicated newspaper column this week. "Domestic court judges," he writes, "often regard two divorcing parent who are equally responsible as deserving of equal time with their kids." A ruling based on that idea would seem equitable and fair to both parents. While Rosemond does not dispute such an order would appear fair to the parents, he raises the concern that fairness to the parents should not necessarily be the goal. He contends that the needs and best interests of the child should take precedence over whether or not a custody order seems fair to both parents.
Group Works to Educate about Safe Haven Law
It is easy to understand how an expectant mother may feel overwhelmed by her circumstances. Social, family, and financial pressures as well as internal insecurities can all certainly contribute to her feeling that she may be unprepared and unable to properly care for a child. Since 2001, more than 70 infants have been illegally abandoned in Illinois, many presumably by mothers struggling to deal with the challenges of raising a baby. However, in the same time period more than 100 infants have been legally relinquished at designated Illinois locations, allowing them the opportunity to be placed with foster families or couples seeking adoption.
The Abandoned Newborn Infant Protection Act was enacted in 2001 to provide a safe and legal alternative for parents who may feel they have no other options. Commonly known as a Safe Haven Law, the legislation identifies hospitals, emergency facilities, police stations, and staffed fire stations as "safe havens" at which an infant under 30 days old may be relinquished without the threat of abandonment charges. The relinquishing parents are encouraged but not required to provide medical and family information, or they may choose to do so at a later time or by mail in order to maintain a level of anonymity. The baby is then taken to an appropriate medical facility for an exam and any needed care, and, in most cases, placed with or adopted by a loving family almost immediately.
Hiding Assets: Warning Signs He Might Be Keeping Secrets
In any divorce situation, division of property is an extremely important consideration. Whether accomplished by means of an agreement between spouses or by litigation and the decision of the court, the marital assets must be addressed, in most cases, before the divorce decree can be finalized. As with any compromise, a property division negotiation may leave one or both partners feeling a bit cheated or that the other partner ended up with more than was deserved.
In some cases, it can seem very clear that a marriage is deteriorating and headed for divorce. Such a situation may drive one partner, often the one with more control of the family’s finances, to manipulate the situation to unfairly benefit in the event of divorce. While either partner may be tempted to take advantage of the circumstances, it is often the husband who may attempt to hide cash, disguise income, or undervalue property. Hiding assets is not only detrimental to an equitable divorce settlement, it is also illegal.
Weight Gain after Divorce More Likely for Men
There are countless factors that can contribute to an individual’s health, fitness, and overall well-being. Stress levels, sleep patterns, and daily routines have all been shown to have an impact on a person’s ability to stay healthy and achieve or maintain any weight-related goals he or she may have. Significant life events, such as the death of a loved one, a move across the country, or a career change may also have an effect as the person learns to adapt to a new situation. In the last few years, several teams of researchers have examined the impact of marriage and divorce, specifically as it relates to a weight gain or loss experienced by either partner.
One of the most prominent studies with such a focus was conducted by Dmitry Tumin, sociology doctoral student at Ohio State University, and Ohio State sociology professor Zhenchao Qian. Tumin and Qian studied data collected in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979, a nationally representative research effort spanning nearly 30 years. The Ohio State team looked at more than 10,000 adults surveyed between 1986 and 2008 to find a weight-related trend within two years after a marriage or divorce.
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