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How to Have a Healthy Divorce
Filing for a divorce can release a flood of emotions that can quickly catch you off guard. While these feelings are completely normal, they can make it difficult to proceed with the divorce in a calm manner. Luckily, the American Psychological Association has put together a few tips to help you have an emotionally healthy divorce.
Divorce Counseling
While sitting down together to talk about what you’re thinking and feeling is likely the last thing on your mind as you file for divorce, taking this simple step can help ensure that both you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse remain emotionally healthy throughout the divorce process. Investing in a few divorce counseling sessions may help to keep your relationship amicable, which may make the process more comfortable and less traumatic for children in the marriage as well.
Write Things Down
Mapping Your Marital Future: Tips for Discussing a Prenuptial Agreement
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Dating and the Male Divorcee: Tips for the Dreaded First Date
According to a recent Australian study covered by the Sun-Herald (Gulfport, MS) divorce means different things to men and women.
For women, the main concern following divorce is financial stability while for divorced men the biggest hurdle may be loneliness. The study reported that even after one year after the break-up, 48 percent of men still admit to experiencing a feeling of loss compared to their female counterparts; 39 percent reported feeling lonely.
If is difficult to determine which former spouse will be undertaking the first step to dating post divorce, but with the majority of women being the primary custodial parent, one may assume that it may very well be the male who takes the first leap into unfamiliar territory of the dreaded first date, post-divorce.
Dr. Karen Ruskin, Psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist offers these helpful hints:
- Be yourself;
Divorce and Downsizing: Tips for Making the Move
Divorce often results in a series of challenging lifestyle changes. Aside from dealing with the loss of your marriage, you may be facing the most difficult challenge of all – the loss of your family home.
For those residing in Illinois, marital property encompasses all property acquired during the course of the marriage and mandates equal distribution of all marital assets.
The final determination could have you seeking alternative living arrangements. With the possible sale of your home out of your hands, an apartment search can turn into a therapeutic way to start anew by downsizing your life, post-divorce.
If you are leaning toward an apartment or condo, the Apartment Guide offers these helpful tips:
Divorce and Your Health Care: Your Legal Rights
Divorce raises many questions and the continuation of health care coverage deserves an immediate answer. To alleviate concerns regarding the continuation of coverage for you and your dependents, plan on addressing your health care rights with an experienced Illinois divorce attorney early in your divorce discussions.
For those residing in Illinois, the Illinois Spousal Continuation Coverage Law (2003) provides continual coverage for up to two years if all criteria has been met. The following Q & A section summarizes your rights under the Spousal Continuation Coverage Law:
Q: Who is protected?
A. Any spouse or dependent in danger of losing health care coverage due to divorce
from the employee covered by his/her employer&s group health care plan.
Q. Which plans are covered?
Legal Separation as a Step to Divorce
In any relationship, there can be ups and downs. Being in close proximity, such as in a marriage, can exacerbate a volatile situation. It is difficult to seek a resolution in the heat of the moment. Certain scenarios may mean that separation is merely a precursor to finalizing a divorce or it can be a start to reconciliation.
There are different types of separation, each of which has specific ramifications. The first type is just living separately. Living apart can mean in different houses or even separate parts of the mutual home. Debts and assets accrued by either party during this kind of separation are considered part of the marital estate. During a divorce all property and debts are divided according to equitable distribution guidelines of Illinois divorce court. This can also be seen as a trial separation to decide whether to reconcile or separate completely.
Reasons to Litigate a Divorce rather than Mediate
A divorce can be accomplished in a number of different ways. There is the process of mediation which lets the couple work with an unbiased third party who elicits an agreeable solution. There is also a collaborative divorce option, which allows each party to employ a lawyer who assists in negotiating a final divorce agreement.
These amicable processes can offer a lot of benefits that are not available to those who resort to litigation. The most practical benefits are the money and time that can be saved by avoiding the courtroom. The paperwork and meetings and other processes can be shortened and scheduled to fit each spouse’s schedules. It also protects children from being forced to see their parents fight. Instead of fighting, the spouses can come together to make a workable and enforceable solution to difficult topics like custody, spousal support, and the division of property.
Fear of Being Alone Stalls Divorce
If you feel as if you are in a bad marriage and cannot seem to escape, you are not the only one. According to a new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and as reported by the Huffington Post, "the fear of being single may drive adults to stay in bad relationships or settle for less-than-desirable partners, all because they’d rather have someone than no one." The fear of being alone trumps the need for divorce for these people, and is more a factor in their reluctance to pull the trigger on divorce than morality or societal pressure.
Researchers that contributed to the study first had to determine that fear of loneliness was a commonly shared attribute. "Of the 153 participants in one study, 40 percent said they feared not having a long term companion," reports the Huffington Post. Significantly fewer respondents broke down this fear of being alone into more specific fears—just less than 20 percent reported a fear of spinsterhood, for example. Those who fear being alone, the researchers concluded, very often "prioritize relationship status above relationship quality, settling for less responsive and less attractive partners and remaining in relationships that are less satisfying," according to the Huffington Post.
Financial Infidelity Can Lead To Divorce
Infidelity doesn’t only pertain to an act of physical cheating. Emotional affairs have long been a major factor in divorce rates across the country, in which one or both partners embark on an intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex outside of the marriage, but in which no actual physical infidelity occurs. According to InfidelityFacts.com, 41 percent of people in American marriages admit to having either a physical or emotional affair. Considering that statistics citing physical infidelity are much lower, one can conclude that emotional or non-physical affairs are a component of thousands of American marriages.
According to US News and World Report, however, there’s another type of infidelity: financial infidelity. One of the most important foundations in a marriage, according to US News and World Report, is trust. A significant amount of trust needs to come from both sides in a marriage, especially when it comes to shared finances. Marriages are built around shared goals, and usually married couples have jointly made budgetary decisions. "When you discover that your partner has been making financial moves that undermine that hard work and those goals," reports the US News and World Report, "it can be an incredibly bitter pill to swallow."
Surviving the Holidays After a Divorce
The holiday season is full of activity and good cheer as people head out to numerous gatherings with family and friends. For people who have recently divorced, however, this season can lead to feelings of alienation, isolation, and loneliness as they try to cope with the realities of being surrounded by loving couples at parties and gatherings. Others may be strained financially due to the legal costs of the divorce process and feeling stressed about buying gifts.
It does not have to be that way, however. According to Forbes, the stigma that once accompanied divorce has all but disappeared. Almost everyone knows someone who has divorced or is filing for divorce, and most people understand both the feelings of relief and the grief as well as the financial strain that can accompany the life change. Instead of lamenting over your single status this holiday season, consider celebrating this chance to start over instead.
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