Recent Blog Posts
Antidepressant Use Increases Before Divorce
The impacts of going through a divorce can have tremendous mental and physical impacts on all of the people involved. A recent study by researchers in Finland has found that the use of antidepressants increases right before a divorce. The study explored both males and females who ended up divorced, and they found that the use of anxiety pills, antidepressants, and other psychotropic drugs would "peak" several months before the actual divorce date.
Four years prior to the date of the divorce was the typical start date for increased use of medication to help cope with marital problems and other issues. The use of these drugs also tended to decrease after the divorce had been finalized. In an attempt to manage increased levels of stress leading up to a divorce, it’s not surprising that individuals would reach out for medical assistance when the symptoms of anxiety or depression became overwhelming.
Victim Sues State After Rapist Files for Visitation Rights
A woman who was raped when she was 14-years old is suing the State of Massachusetts because she says the state is forcing her to maintain a relationship with the man who raped her.
Two years ago, Jamie Melendez pleaded guilty to the rape of the girl who became pregnant. The baby was born in 2009. Melendez was sentenced to 16 years of probation, and ordered by a judge to pay child support in the amount of $110 per week. Melendez is to make those payments through the family court.
According to the lawsuit, the victim says Melendez had absolutely no interest in the child – until the court mandated he pay child support. Melendez then filed a petition with the family court seeking visitation with the child.
The victim had previously asked the court to force Melendez to pay criminal restitution, not child support, in order to stop him from seeking visitation, but both the state Supreme Judicial Court and the family court denied her request.
Judge Rules in Woman with Down Syndrome’s Favor in Guardianship Battle
USA Today recently reported on a Virginia custody battle involving a 29 year-old woman with Down syndrome. Margaret "Jenny" Hatch has been involved in the custody battle with her parents for a year, but a Newport News judge rejected the guardianship petition that Hatch’s parents had filed, which would have allowed them to keep her in a group home against her wishes.
Hatch had been working for five years at a thrift shop owned by Kelly Morris and Jim Talbert. In March 2012, Hatch was injured in a bicycle accident and the couple took her into their home to recover. Two and half months later, the couple say they allowed a caseworker with the Hampton-Newport News Community Services Board to take Hatch to a group home because they believed it was the only way she’d qualify for a Medicaid waiver. The waiver would entitle her to many in-home and community-based services. On Aug. 6, after the Medicaid waiver was approved, Hatch returned to live with Morris and Talbert.
New Concept in Wedlock: The "Wedlease"
The Huffington Post recently wrote about a new concept in family law that was actually developed by a real estate attorney as an alternative to marriage. Instead of "entering into wedlock", Paul Rampell says couples should enter in a "wedlease".
Rampell says part of the problem with the institute of marriage is that legal structure of marriage has not adapted or expanded as society has changed. There has been no improvement to that legal structure.
Citing marriage as a "legal partnership that lasts a lifetime", Rampell says that lifetime partnership is reason for the high rate of divorce, "People, circumstances and all sorts of other things change. The compatibility of any two people over decades may decline with these changes to the point of extinction," he says.
He suggests borrowing from real estate by creating a marital lease – a "wedlease".
Pentagon Announces Same-Sex Spouse Benefits
The Department of Defense has recently announced its plan to extend a range of federal benefits to same-sex spouses of military personnel and civilian defense employees. The changes are being made as a result of the Supreme Court decision that overturned a key portion of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In its decision, the court declared that gay couples married in states where it is legal must receive the same federal health, tax, Social Security and other benefits that heterosexual couples receive.
The benefits will be available regardless of sexual orientation, as long as service member-sponsors provide a valid marriage certificate. The Pentagon also said it would allow up to 10 days of leave for couples who are not stationed in jurisdictions that recognize same-sex marriage to a jurisdiction that does allow it. There are currently thirteen states, in addition to the District of Columbia, that allow same-sex marriages.
Some opponents have criticized the Pentagon for allowing special military leave for same-sex couples to marry, saying there are special provisions in law for adoptions, child birth and emergency situations, but not for marriage. But the Pentagon says this policy will provide accelerated access to the full range of benefits offered to married military couples throughout the department.
Poor Communication Skills are the #1 Predictor of Divorce
If you ask your divorced friends what led to their divorce, most of them will tell you that they stopped talking to each other. According to a report in Psychology Today, the most common predictor of divorce is the lack of communication, which leads to hostility in the relationship.
You, You, You
When the going gets tough, most people have a hard time taking responsibility for their part of the problem. No one wants to admit that he or she has done something wrong. This is where the blame game begins. With that blame comes judgmental statements such as:
- You need to change.
- This is all your fault.
- You don’t understand me.
These kinds of statements will always be met with a defensive attitude.
Generalizations
Divorce Dos and Don’ts for Parents
Divorce is not a pleasant experience. It is full of emotions, even if it&s amicable. While there is not a divorce rule book that dictates what each party can and can&t do, there are a few things, according to Psychology Today, that you should and should not do while going through a divorce where children are involved.
Don’t Make your Child Choose
Your child will be traumatized enough, knowing that their parents are not going to be together anymore. They will internalize their feelings and some children may go so far as to blame themselves for the break up of the family. The worst thing that you can do is make the child feel as if they need to choose sides between the mother and father.
Do Keep your Emotions in Check
You are not the only one who is sad or angry. While you will not be able to hide your feelings, you have to consider your child&s feelings as well. Don’t have hostile or tearful conversations in front of the children.
Increase in Age of Adoptive Parents
There’s been quite a bit of buzz in the news lately about the aging population. In fact, it could be argued that the Baby Boomers haven’t made the news in quite this way since their teenage years—and the influx of trend stories does not seem to be slowing any time soon. According to Time magazine, citing statistics from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), "in 2010 the average life expectancy rose from 78.6 years in 2009 to 78.7 in 2010." But it’s not just that people are living longer—the real boon is that people are staying healthy longer, meaning that the final years of the average American’s life are not spent tied to a hospital bed in pain. David Cutler, the Otto Eckstein Professor of Applied Economics at Harvard told Time that "where we used to see people who are very, very sick for the final six or seven years of their life, that’s now far less common. People are living to older ages and we are adding healthy years, not debilitated ones." 
Summer Months a Strain for Children of Divorce
Children of divorced parents clearly have more hurdles than those from families whose parents are together. Aside from the winter holiday season, at no time in the year is this more obvious than during the summer. Children whose parents have split are often shuttled back and forth between the parents’ houses, oftentimes over state lines, a trip that can feature solo plane rides or long drives. Psychologist Brian Rooney told the Chicago Tribune that trouble in this scenario can arise for children of divorce because of their expectations. "They can range from realistic ones like, ‘Gee, I can’t wait to get away to Dad/Mom’s house, we’re going to do all kinds of stuff,’ to a feeling of being sent away to serve time." Rooney says it’s important for both parents to address these expectations and consider them when making summer plans with and for children of divorce.
Cohabitating Agreements Offer Protection for Unwed Couples
For couples who make the decision to live together and not legally wed, the end of the relationship can be costly, whether the relationship ends because they decide not to live together or because one person dies. The state of Illinois does not recognize common-law marriage, leaving both parties unprotected.
There is no property division for separately owned property and no palimony. If one of the couple becomes a stay-at-home parent to care for children of the relationship, there is no law defining loss earning capacity. If one person becomes sick and is hospitalized, their partner has no legal say in their care. And there is no right to inherit the estate if one person dies.
Unless a couple is married or has entered into a civil partnership, the law does not recognize the living-together relationship. That’s why it’s important for unmarried couples to work with an attorney to prepare documents which will protect both parties. A cohabitation agreement should have the following:
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